I am not a big fan of life these days. Why is everything so fucking challenging?


It really feels like I'm not getting ANYTHING I really want. I know that sounds childish but fuck it.. I don't care.

Somethings gotta give....

I will have to say that I am sorely disappointed in the LACK of Halloween Party options this year.......


hmmm......

So instead of taking care of the multiple sheets I need to in order to get ready for Socon.....


I'm dying my hair instead. lol. Priorities right?

Oh well!  I recently got my hair cut. I really like it. It's pretty darn short in the back (maybe 2 inches tops) with longer bangs-pieces in the front. I dig it. It's a little bit high maintance than I'm used to but that's alright. It's a better fit for my face and honestly...age. I look a bit older, which I'm not that opposed to. I'm 29, as flattering as it is for people to swear I'm no older than 22, it's also a little frustrating. So I got a cut that was more my age without being too... bland.

Because despite my age vs looks thing, I want anything other than bland!

Oh... so I'm dying my hair black again with a lovely wash/rinse of a good royal blue.

I just got in our reservations!

Yay! So that is taken care of. Oh... um Jon, I did my reservations online and didn't get charged $130 for Thursday night, just the 63 bucks a night.

Better check your stuff hun!

Finally! I'm done.

Just sent in Lexi's APP for County Coroner! Woo..


Now just to Harass Kevin to look at it.  I normally say Harass Kevin to click approve like I say to everyone else... but since he's my Husband..... not gonna press my luck and have it look shady... Eeek!


;)

So Kevin and I are going to be heading down to Ontario for the SoCalCon. We're pretty jazzed since we can't really afford going to ICC this year. It will be fun!

Now over the past few months I've been having some costuming issues for my Mage Lexi. I'm just not sure what should be her costume anymore. When I first started playing her she was a typical little gothling. heh... well time can change a character..and while she is still a moros and a guardian and has those darker sides... I'm just not sure what to do. Recently I've been costuming her WAAAAY more subdued and more business-like... which I'm not sure how I feel about.



So like all Con's of course I want to have a good costume.. I just don't know what to do... hmmm

I know in all types of relationships that changes come along, and some times it's hard to wade through these changes. I also know that change can be good and great and really important to what is needed...But sometimes it's really hard when it feels like things are drifting apart, and that I'm getting replaced.  Or if not being replaced (because that *is* a bit severe) just lost along the wayside.. even if it's for a good reason.


It still fucking sucks.

So I've been talking about going back to school in the Fall semester, at the JC.  I've really heard wonderful things about their RN program and know that's what I want to do. However there are a few issues Kevin and I have been disscusing:

So I work full time, and my schedule doesn't have a lot of wiggle room for any classes really. I could take one or two but it means for a very LONG and exhausting day...  Like class from 7:30 to 10:30 then work from 12pm to 8:30. Now my job is pretty physically active and can be pretty tiring... I do have Wednesday off, but the JC doesn't have too many one day classes...

Also finances are pretty tight. They are much better now that I'm working, but they are far from taken care of.  And shelling out some extra money for classes and then books and supplies... it's a bit of a squeeze. I know there are programs for assistance, but I'm not exactly sure I qualify for them now that I'm working....


.. And the RN program is EXTREMELY competitive and your GPA has to be on the higher side with little to no repeats or lower grades, even with your general ed. That means I'd have to really stick my nose to the grindstone. Not a problem normally, but if I'm working full-time it will be significantly harder and I don't want to screw up my chances.

Kevin thinks that I should wait until he has a job/ get's into the Electricians Union so that I could go to Part Time or even not work (if he's making enough) so I can really focus on my schooling and give it the dedication it really needs. I see the logic in his thoughts..it's just hard to swallow....

I want to be doing sometime......more, better? with my life. I'm not exactly content with how it is now.... and it can be really hard to wait to do it, even if it makes more sense in the long run.

I noticed that it had been some time since I have updated my journal here. Eeek! I'm much better with my Facebook posts... but oh well!

So this last weekend was the Moot and I will have to say it was so much fun! I've always loved camping and camping while roleplaying.. Score! Even though I didn't get a chance to roleplay too much (being a ST and all) it was definitly fun!

So as most of you know I have been without a job for awhile and to pass the time I've been working with the Redwood Empire Volunteer center. Well for the past two weeks they have sent me to Goodwill to work. Well Goodwill liked me so much they offered me an Actual Paying job there! I am so excited and soooo relieved. It's Full time and in 90 days I get full benefits! Thank goodness! I can't wait. I am going to be starting tommorrow.

I've also decided that since I have a source of income with a set schedule that I'm going to be heading back to the JC in the Fall for their RN program. Now it's going to take awhile, since I have to work on my General Education first... but this is really the first step to getting my life really on track. So I'm looking forward to it.

I feel liking bashing my head repeatedly into a wall.

Is it really that damn hard to get a job? What the hell am I doing wrong?

Is my resume not professional enough?

Is my cover letter not precise?

Am I not astute or smart enough?

Am I not dress professionally?


What the Fuck!

GAH!  I'm at my wits end. I hate this. I hate not working, I hate not having anything to do. I hate being broke. I hate worrying and stressing and freaking out over all of it.


What do I need to do?

YAY! I have working Internet again. Wooo it was a long stretch there.... But it's all better now.

With a pretty decent connect speed and everything. I know Kevin is happy to be able to connect to Xbox live as well. ;)

So I have spent the last few hours updating things all over the place. Heck I even tried IRC (for game stuff).. although no one was in any of the Mage rooms. Oh well.


*sigh*

It feels good to be connected with the world again.

;)

I am alive!



Sick...or maybe it's just allergies... but alive!

Just read the 'offense' and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each 'offense' and added up your total fine. Title your bulletin 'My Bail is $........' You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

1) Smoked pot -- $10
2) Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk --$50
3) Cheated on your significant other -- $10
4) Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
5) Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
6) Went streaking -- $5
7) Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
8) Kissed a co-worker-- $ 20
9) Kissed your boss --$50
10) Been arrested -- $5
11) Spent time in jail -- $15
12) Peed in the pool -- $5
13) Played spin the bottle -- $5
14) Done something you regret -- $20
15) Slept with your best friend -- $20
16) Been in love with a stripper -- $20
17) Went skinny dipping -- $5
18) Been slapped-- $5
19) Slapped someone-- $5
20) Beat up someone -- $20
21) Been jumped -- $10
22) Ever had sex at church -- $25
23) Dated someone you met online -- $25
24) Cheated on test -- $50
25) Vandalized something -- $20
26) Slept with someone in your parents' bed -- $100
27) Crossed dressed -- $10
28) Given money to stripper -- $25
29) Flirted with an officer to get out of a ticket-- $30
30) Been in love with a stripper -- $20
31) Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
32) Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $15
33) Ever drive drunk -- $20
34) Used toys while having sex -- $30
35) Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
36) Had sex in a pool -- $20
37) Masturbated -- $10
38) Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
39) Done oral -- $5
40) Got oral -- $5
41) Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
42) Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40
43) Stole something -- $10
44) Slept with someone who has been in jail -- $25
45) Made a dirty home video -- $15
46) Plan on making a dirty home video in the near future --$30
47) Had a threesome -- $50
48) Had sex in a public place-- $20
49) Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
50) Stole something worth more than a hundred dollars --$20
51) Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
52) Kissed a teacher while you were still a student--$25
53) Lied to your mate -- $5
54) Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

1. Can you cook? Yes
2. What was your dream growing up? To be a Marine Biologist... then I had my first sciences classes....hmmmmm
3. What talent do you wish you had? To paint...
4. Favorite place? Scotland
5. Favorite vegetable? Squash!
6. What was the last book you read? Just finished it last night: The Summer Tree - Guy Gavriel Kay (READ IT!!!!!!!!!!)
7. What zodiac sign are you ? Virgo. Intensely.
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Yes. Celtic Tattoo over my heart, Wolf Tattoo on my right calf, Star with scrollwork on my lower back and stars and crescent moons over my shoulders and upper arms. Piercings: Nose and my traguses.
9. Worst Habit? Worrying.
10. Do we know each other outside of lj? Hell yeah!
11. What is your favorite sport? Rugby.
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? Trying to be optimistic like I used to be... see #9.
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Honestly? Talking about either game.. or religion.
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? My gallbladder went on strike.
15. Tell me one weird fact about you: um... I'm older than I look? (I STILL get carded for smokes.. I'm 28!)
16. Do you have any pets? yep. Two rats: Steve & Fred.
17. Do you know how to do the macerana? Yes, unfortunatly. I was in school when it was the cool thing to do.
18. What time is it where you are now? 11am!
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? um Scary.
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? My thighs.
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Conscience.
22. What color eyes do you have? Hazely brown.
23. Ever been arrested? um...no I don't think so?
24. Bottle or Draft? Whatever....
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? Pay off debt and then go shopping.
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? The bubbly kind.
27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at? Don't have one... but if I had to anwser..The Rose.
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Gaming / Reading.
30. Do you swear a lot? Sorta....
31. Biggest pet peeve? People that interupt me.
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Sunny!
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Sure thing!

Sooo.......

Kevin and I are moving.


Were moving down to Petaluma, fairly soon actually. Within the next two weeks. which means I'm going to be double-timing it to pack and schluff off all the things we just don't need. It's cathartic, really! 

But seriously it will be good.


We are moving in with a wonderful woman and her two kids. Were getting two rooms for pretty cheap rent, utilities included. She's really an awesome lady (who's a friend of the family).... so Kevin and I feel pretty darn lucky.


Now we just need to find work!

:)

That used to me be. I was always the optimistic and hopeful one. I wouldn't have ever called myself "worry-free" but I never let it get me so down. Or at least I used to be like that.

It feels I've been nothing but a worrying, nervous gloomy-gus these days. I hate it. I hate being like this.

So I'm going to try and let some of that go. I'm trying to be more optimistic and hopeful. Like in the past.

I miss smiling all the time. I miss laughing a lot. I miss allowing myself to be goofy and silly.

It's about time for this girl to be who she used to be... just a little older and chock full of experience not self-doubts and fears.


It will be hard.... but I have faith.

;)

Soooo.....

Since financially things have not panned out this past month......

Kevin and I are looking for a new place to live.... once again.   We had stopped in January because some jobs looked really promising and such.... but unfortunatly didn't pan out. It happens.


So we are on the prowl again.


*Sigh*

And for me too.... lol


My very first App has been put up!


Goooo me! lol.

Let others know a little more about​ yourself, re-post this as your name followed by "ology"

*****​​FOODOLOGY*****

What is your salad​ dressing of choice?​
 Blue Cheese!

What is your favorite sit-​​down restaurant​?​​
 Outback! Yumm!

What food could​ you eat for 2 weeks​ straight and not get sick of it
 Pizza.

What are your pizza​ toppings of choice?​​
 Chicken, extra cheese and garlic!

What do you like to put on your toast​?​​
 Butter and honey.

*****TECHNOLOGY*****

How many televisions are in your house​?​​
 One!

What color​ cell phone​ do you have?​​
 Green.

*****BIOLOGY*****

Are you right​-​​handed or left-​​handed?​​
 Righty.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?​
 My Gallbladder. heh.

What is the last heavy​ item you lifted?​​
 ??? Heck I don't remember.

Have you ever been knock​ed unconscious?​​
 I don't believe so....

*****BULLCRAPOLOGY*****

If it were possible,​​ would​ you want to know the day you were going​ to die?
 Hell no.

If you could​ change your name,​​ what would​ you change it to?
 Nothing. I dig my name...

Would​ you drink​ an entire bottle of hot sauce​ for $​​1000?​​
 Ugh...no

*****DUMBOLOGY*****

How many pairs​ of flip flops​ do you own?
 Just one.... but I think I need a new pair...

Last time you had a run-​​in with the cops?​​
 A while ago.. lol

Last person you talked to?
 Kevin

Last person you hugged?​​
 Jen Jen

*****FAVORITOLOGY*****

Season?​​
 Autumn

Holiday?
 Halloween / christmas....

Day of the week?​​
 Friday

Month​?​​
 September

*****CURRENTOLOGY*****

Missing someone?​
 Ehhh... not really...

Mood?​​
 Concerned...

What are you listening to?
 Gargoyles....

Watching?
 The same as above...

Worrying about?
 Job/ money

*****RANDOMOLOGY*****

First​ place​ you went this morning?
 Butterfly Gardens @ SSU

What'​​s the last movie​ you saw?
 Wanted...?
Theater -  Milarepa.....

Do you smile​ often​?​​
 I try to!

QUEST​IONS

1)Do you alway​s answer your phone​?​​
 Honestly... Not always

2) You love.​​.​​.
 My husband and lots others...

3) If you could​ change your eye color​ what would​ it be?
 Green!

4) What flavor do you add to your drink​ at Sonic​?​​
 Sonic? LOL I live in Sonoma County.....

5) Do you own a digital camera?​​
 I used to...

6)​​Have you ever had a pet fish?​​
 Yup!

7) Favorite Christmas Song?
 Ave Maria

8) What'​​s on your wish list for your birth​day?​​
 Gift cards to either Torrid or Lane Bryant

9) Can you do push ups?
 HAHAHAHAH... no.

10) Can you do a chin up?
 See above...

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?​​
 Both.

13) Ever been in a car wreck​?​
 Yup. It was scary.

14) Do you have an accent?
 Nope

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
 None really.....

16) Plans​ tonight?
 Veg out some more, watch Gargoyles...then sleep!

17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
 Hell yeah.

18) Name 3 thing​s you bough​t yesterday.
 Monster..... um yeah that's about it.

19) Have you ever been given​ roses​?​​
 Yes. I loves them!

20) Current worry​?​​
 Money.

21) Current hate right​ now?
 Lack of Job

22) Met someone who changed your life?​​
 Oh yeah!

23) How did you bring​ in the New Year?​​
 With my honey and good friends...

24) What song represents you?
 Havn't heard one yet...

25) Name three​ people who might​ complete this?​
 Jon, Corissa and maybe..... Pat pat?

26) What were you doing​ 12 AM last night​?​​
 Watching 'Imaginary Bitches" (hysterical btw) and knitting with Jen Jen

27) What was the first​ thing​ you thought of when you woke up?
 Ohhh boy....  a big day of gaming!

Cross your fingers and wish me luck!!